Hi friend! I knew things couldnt get any worse I consider myself lucky to have found this now im in this for the long run you should consider trying it.
link deleted
bye
Hi asjds!
So wait, what was going on? Things couldn't get any worse? Well asjds, I can imagine things have been rough for you, what with a name of nothing but random letters. Also, I think things would be going a little better if you worked on your communication skills. For example, you are really unclear about what you are telling me about here. I think a few more details would help explain exactly what you are talking about. That could be one way to make things better than not being able to get any worse.
But I see you have a link there, so I guess I could just click it...
Wow! So what I think you were trying to tell me is that you worked from home and made money, just like the woman in this article? Well asjds, if that's what your shitty message meant, let's take a closer look together. That's right me and you, a person that also exists. Speaking of people who exist, let's start with Kelly Richards, the woman mentioned in the link you sent me:
Wow! Look at how well Kelly has done for herself. Let me just Google Kelly Richards. Um... that must be a different Kelly Richards. It's a little strange that they call her a "mum" here in this real article from a real New York media outlet I've never heard of. Mum is more of an English thing, and it says right there she lives in Brooklyn. (Hey did you realize that's close to where I live? Crazy! It's like the computer knew where I was looking at it from and.... I'm sorry that's crazy talk!)
So how exactly did Kelly (and you asjds I assume, you kind of dropped the ball back there) make all this money from home? Let me see if I can find exactly what this article says about that...
"Online giant Google, worth over 100 billion dollars is the most used search engine and internet market place. Google is the #1 internet site in the world, over 50 percent of all internet traffic flows through them everyday. Using Google and the other search engines to make money online has been a eye-opener for Kelly."
Oh I see! So what happened was Google is very popular.... money. Seems reasonable to me! Oh look, a comments section! If anyone was to have qualms with this program, surely they'd post something there...
Me too! I like when things use things I like! And my name is also Michael! Me and this guy should grab lunch sometime! Because he's real, just like Kelly Richards and you asjds! Well now I just feel silly for checking the comments. Clearly this whole thing is on the up and up. Well I'm going to start giving this site my credit card info. Thanks for the heads up asjds! Try to work on your communication skills because they are awful! bye!
I got a ticket a few weeks back outside of Indianapolis for doing 71 in a 55. I know, it's crazy. It's a good thing I was stopped; I must have been out of my mind to be going so insanely fast. I guess I must have gotten to Indy and thought it was the Indy 500! Because that's the place where that race happens I think! 71 miles an hour! So fast! I actually didn't even know how fast I was going till I got the ticket, my speedometer just read "?!?!".
When the cop gave me the ticket, he said he didn?t know how much it would be for. And why would he? He only spends large portions his time standing out on the highway handing tickets out every day, why would he be expected to know anything about the tickets? It?s not his department people. Don?t you dare think less of him and his contributions to society and/or abilities. I won't allow it.
So I had to wait until today to call to find out what my fine would be. It was 150 dollars, not bad. However, if I gave them 225 they promised to not report the ticket to my home state.
This was not a deal officer who pulled me over offered to make on the side, this is actually what they do on the books now.
I get that local governments make a lot of money from tickets, but the core principal is supposed to be keeping the roads safe, not generating income. It's all about protecting the public from my insane, no-one-has-ever-driven-faster-71-in-a-55-lunacy, not money right? So why would they offer to keep my flagrant violation of the law a secret from the proper authorities in exchange for an extra 75 dollars? There has to be a way this is different from a bribe, but I can?t seem to find it.
To illustrate my point, watch this scene from Bad Lieutenant, where Marion County is Nicolas Cage, I'm the chick and you, the reader are the boyfriend:
You see how it's just like that?
Also they wanted to add a 4 dollar and two cent "processing fee" for paying online. Because as we all know, paying for stuff on the computer is hardly ever done and very expensive to pull off, costing four dollars and two cents every time you do it. (If you're lucky!) Think about it, it just makes sense. It takes way more effort on their end to have the money instantly appear in their account than for the much easier process of receiving a check in the mail, paying an employee to open it, another to make sure it?s the correct amount and a third one to deposit it. It has to; the only other explanation for the extra four dollars and two cents would just make me feel too cynical about the world.
In short, I'm mailing them 150. Can't wait to come back to Indy! Vroom vroom!
So like a year ago I posted an ad on Craig?s List looking for an illustrator for a joke book I was putting together. (and is now available on Amazon bitches!) In the original ad I said the jokes would be about food and kind of be like the ?you might be a redneck?? jokes only funny. I also said I was imagining a illustration style similar to Gary Larson?s The Far Side.
I got a lot of good responses and even more bad ones. But this one stood out and it just popped up in a search I was doing in my mailbox for something else. I decided to share it with you because it?s kind of funny and it?s also interesting that it kind of pisses me off a year later, almost as much as it did when I was originally corresponding with this asshole. Enjoy.
(Normally I would delete or change the name, but I feel it automatically puts the reader on my side know that the guy I was talking to was named Laurentiu Todie.)
On Jul 22, 2009, at 2:33 PM, Laurentiu Todie wrote:
you may be a redneck, but your message is presumptuous and not funny at all
who are you? (and I don't mean "what do you think you are")
other than that, good luck!
On Jul 22, 2009, at 2:51 PM, Mike Trainor wrote:
I didn't say the actual posting on craigslist would be funny! I'm Mike Trainor. Who are you?
On Jul 22, 2009, at 3:13 PM, Laurentiu Todie wrote:
I am an illustrator's agent, photographer, retoucher an I? like you now, but frustrated by the craigslist posters in general, I took offense to your attitude. I apologize, and see that I was at least half wrong. I'm not a big fan of the redneck jokes but they're successful. I wish you the same or more!
You have a good face and voice your material could be better : )
I can show you some work samples of the illustrator I represent but he doesn't speak English (lives in France and is my brother?and no, we're Romanian)
http://thegemon.com/art2.html
check the site out!
I actually think that tricked out photographs would be more memorable for your purpose than Larson style illustration. (it shows its age too much)
Regards, Laurentiu
On July 22, 2009 3:33:18 PM EDT Mike Trainor wrote:
Yeah I don't like those redneck jokes either, that's why I wrote a sentence where I suggested they are not funny. Sorry about my attitude. What was it exactly? Was it that I was trying to hire someone? That I thought the project I was working on was good? I mean I could understand being offended by someone's attitude it they were like "You suck. Okay, you don't suck that bad. But you still kind of suck. Hire my clients. They don't do what you are looking for, but what you are looking for sucks... just like you do." Good thing I don't have any of THAT to deal with.
Last week I was a paid studio audience member for the Steve Wilkos show, which really makes all parties involved sound like losers. I was bussed up to Stamford, Connecticut with a bunch of other people with nothing to do on a Wednesday. We made up about half of the audience. I was grateful for the other half that came for no pay because it made me feel like slightly less of a loser.
For those of you playing it cool and pretending you don't know, Steve Wilkos was Jerry Springer's bouncer for years. Also, because you are reading this, you really don't need to play it cool. No one can tell what you know and don't know or even what you're reading.
Wilkos became well known for keeping guests from attacking each other. So naturally he was given his own show.
They asked me to dress formally for the taping. Then I got there and saw a guy wearing a "Vote for Pedro" shirt. It was like when my mom would make me dress up for church and all the other young Jersey trash would show up in jogging suits, whip pinecones at me and chant "Fancy Pants! Fancy Pants!" But I digress.
The Steve Wilkos Show features people who are (or maybe pretend to be) indefensibly evil. (The floor director actually referred to one as a "bad guy" which leads me to believe that's their official internal term for them.) They do this just so Steve can yell something very obvious and be the hero of the show. We were then directed to clap and chant "Steve! Steve! Steve!" or one long "Steeeeeeeeeve!"
Examples:
Steve: "When you have three babies you have to buy food? FOR ALL OF THEM!"
Audience: "Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!"
Steve: "If your boyfriend urinates on you, he's not a very good boyfriend!"*
Audience: "Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!"
Steve: "This is just one man talking here, but I think that if you tie a lady to railroad tracks and then build an evil machine that controls the weather you are a grade-a piece of garbage!"
Audience: "STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!"
This is literally almost the entire show.
After waiting in a holding pen for two and a half hours we went into the studio and began the pre-show warm up: an audience dance contest. There was grinding, air humping and booty clapping (pictured) everywhere. The crowd was on it's feet cheering. But then the show started a minute later and some woman is telling everyone how her boyfriend beats her, which isn't the kind of thing you should ever get "pumped up" for in a super-fun dance contest. Just saying.
But the best part of the day was the question and answer session with Steve before the show. Actually Steve's answers were kind of boring, it was just the questions. Even though a good portion of them were not actually questions.
Questions asked by Steve Wilkos Audience Members of Steve Wilkos (in order):
1. Are you for real? 2. Are you and Jerry still friends? 3. I want to be on the show because I think my mom killed my grandma. 4. I want to be on the show because I'm psychic and help solve crimes. (I hope those two exchanged info later on.) 5. I think you should teach the cops to act cool like you do and not flip out all the time. 6. You ever persecute anyone for pedophiling?
I guess the woman that asked number 6 had seen a show about child molesters. I'm also guessing it went something like this:
Steve: "Don't give me any lip buddy. There's no excuse. If you molest kids, you belong in jail!"
When I hear "pedophiling" I imagine someone who is both very perverted and very organized, just really on top of his or her pedophile paperwork. "Oh you are looking for your lost eight-year-old? Well let me check my pedo-files. And I'll thank you to take your shoes off if you are going to walk on the carpet." That's why they are persecuted, not just for being awful people, but also for being so anal about it. Maybe someday they will also be prosecuted but for now we'll settle for having them be oppressed and bothered by a TV show they agreed to come on.
I know I shouldn't make fun of someone just because they are not good with words. But you have to remember, I am a bit of a fancy pants.
In case anyone is wondering, I made 45 dollars that day. So stay in school.
At a show in Butte, Montana on Friday about five minutes in an audience member yelled out of the darkness "QUEER!"
I asked him why; it was a little confusing because I hadn?t gotten to the part of my act where I blow four guys on stage. "You?re drinkin? a Bud Light!"
The rest of my act was spent dealing with the guy and his theories as to what makes a person gay, the subtle differences between bud light and gay sex, why he wants me to be gay so bad, how this must be how gay people meet each other in Butte, why gay is the first and only insult a fucking moron can come up with, and ultimately jokes about me being gay. ("Know what I love about balls? Everything!") It was a delightful lowest common denominator night.
After the show a guy came up to me and said he was "I have to apologize for this town. They are all idiots here, all they know how to do is drink." He said that I handled it great though, that I in fact "killed it up there". I said thanks, and acknowledged that it was an unusual show, mainly due to the fact that some guy called me queer for no reason.
?Yeah, that was me,? he said without a hint of humor or irony.
Who were the idiots he was talking about 8 seconds earlier? The folks who didn?t call me queer? I imagine him sitting there fuming as the show started.
Haven?t any of these people ever been to a comedy show? When's someone gonna call someone else queer? Fine I guess it'll be me who jumps on the grenade. I actually don't have a problem with gays, but what can I do? I'm at a comedy show."QUEER!" And? begin.
So that?s the best part of my road duties this year so far. Not really because of this story though. The owner gave me an extra fifty. In your face world! I?m eating at Perkins all I want!
Sunday night two audience members came in about five minutes after the show started: a man and a woman wearing identical purple pimp suits with feathered hats, white canes, brass knuckles, cat-eye contact lenses and gold teeth with built in fangs. And they pulled it off. In short, they were the two scariest people ever.
I've seen audience members called out for everything imaginable, from a guy sitting with his mom to a guy wearing plaid shorts. I did a show once with a prom king wearing his crown and sash, you bet your ass he got made fun of.
But our pimp vampire friends? COMPLETELY IGNORED.
The MC gave them a casual glance hello then kept on going, like they were normal or something. The pimp-pires exchanged a look then both took of their jackets at the same time in the exact same way. (I hope that reads as creepy as it looked)
Before I knew it was my turn to go up and still no one had said a thing. I asked one comic why "They got those fangs." I asked another "Yeah, I want to live."
I had to say something.
A few minutes into my set, I turned and said, "Hi there, you scare the hell out of me."
And instead of biting me and making me one of them, they laughed.
I said that the only thing they could have done to be scarier would be if instead of sitting together they sat on opposite sides of the room. Because then there would be a chance that they didn't know each other... and that there might be three of them at the next show. The vam-ipms laughed again. Then I pressed my luck and said they looked like the twins from Matrix 2. That they didn't like. (But everyone else did.)
I had another crowd work moment about a year ago I wrote about, but that was mainly me standing up to an insane heckler and winning. But this time I handled a dicey situation with nothing but honesty. Well honesty and a lame Matrix joke.
Also that night someone said "TMI" after a dirty joke and I asked if her brain just texted her mouth. I'm on a roll folks. A stupid roll. (Does Dunkin' make those?)
New Yorkers will tell you that subway graffiti is not uncommon, in particlar on the subway. Even in more particular is the practice of drawing a penis next to someone's mouth. My pal Nasry even has a joke about how he is afraid to have his own TV show because it will inevitably lead to penises being drawn next to his face. (So far so good!)
But in this case I have to take exception. This girl doesn't deserve this. I could understand if it was some skanky Bravo reality show about cutting hair or real housewives or "The Cougar"* which seem to fill the subway. Those ads cry out for penis drawings. This is a young lady trying to better herself by getting an education. She's stuck with a shitty sounding book too: Fields of Reading. If reading Catcher in the Rye is the equivalent of finding a million dollars in a suitcase, Fields of Reading sounds like the equivalent of well... having a dick drawn on your face.
Plus, not to pile on here but it's Queens College, it's not like she is at MIT and needs to be taken down a peg. Does this guy (shot in the dark it is a male) really feel like he has to publicly shame her just for taking any form of initiative in her life? "Yeah whatever with your reading and classes, this is all the thing attached to your neck is for."
Also, is this hovering, unattached penis supposed to be his? It appears to be either flaccid, tiny or both. I guess good art is supposed to generate discussion.
I know, I haven't touched on the buckteeth or the mustache. The penis really is the main point of this graffiti, in the same way bacon is the main point of a BLT. But it does once again compound the confusion if the artist is suggesting that is his penis. Why is the penis interested in a woman with facial hair and horrible teeth?
I just hope this doesn't discourage young New York women from following their dreams for fear that it will surely only lead to a man forcibly sodomizing their mouths while they try to do some homework under an Elm. Women, if you are reading this allow me to assure you that only happens like half of the time.
Now if you'll excuse me, all I can think about is eating a BLT.
-Mike
*Has anyone told self-proclaimed cougars that the term more or less means old slut? That's how I use it anyway. They should really be aiming for the classification of hot chick, without any age-related sub category.
Okay so I don't blog all that frequently anymore, but I felt this had to be shared.
Mike Trainor is appearing in a new sitcom this fall on Fox! But he's not me. He's actually the name of a fictional character being played by Michael Strahan in his new series "Brothers":
The Real Mike Trainor HATES people in wheelchairs.
From Fox: MIKE TRAINOR (Strahan) seemingly has it all- he's a good-looking, wealthy and recently retired NFL player living the high-life in New York City, but he?s about to get sidelined.
So Far it sounds exactly like my life.
Okay let's do some pros & cons:
PROS:
Apollo Creed plays Mike Trainor's dad.
There is a resutrant on the show called "Trainor's".
I can finally get a Giants Jersey with "Trainor" on the back and not feel like a bag of assholes.
Jokes about gaped teeth never get old.
CONS:
It will completely ruin all attempts to google myself.
This show will force me to go by another name when my inevitable hit sitcom hits the air sometime in the near future.
After watching that clip from the show I can now say that the exact opposite is true regarding gaped teeth jokes. (I am operating under the assumption however that this show will be a hit, because any joke on my part to the contrary would guarantee a miraculous 10 year run.)
Don?t get me wrong, I love Michael Strahan. He was one of my favorite players on my favorite team in any sport, the New York Football Giants. I know that sounds like it was written by a five year old with a Strahan fathead on his wall, but it's the truth. If I had a fathead, it would be of his fat head.
I remember going to one game against the Rams and Srahan hit Kurt Warner so hard that he got up and pointed to his helmet, which the coaches thought meant that he had broken the little radio in there. Turns out the helmet was fine, he was pointing to his actual head because he could no longer understand words or sentences. That?s how hard Strahan layed his ass out. I also liked when he did this:
There is a new movie coming out called The International about an evil bank. How evil? Real evil. This is apparently an attempt to capture the ol? zeitgeist of current affairs. This has worked great in movies like The Net (the internet is evil) Strange Days (virtual reality not only will exist and matter, but it will also be evil) Anti-Trust (Microsoft is successful and therefore evil). Oh did I say it worked great? I meant to say they were all really really shitty shitty movies. Not sure how I mixed that up.
Now the idea of a evil bank might be a little complicated to the average movie-goer so the trailer makes sure to make it nice and easy for everyone to understand. Oh did I say that they make it easy to understand? I meant to say they made it stupid. What is with me today?
The trailer starts with a person using an ATM: Then the following cryptic message, meant to pull you into the exciting world of banking: Whoa. Something else? Something else? Other than what? They don?t say. Normal bank stuff I guess. Okay, you have me hooked trailer, this bank is up to no good. You even have the guy from Children of Men involved. But now you better bring the thunder so I know just how high the stakes are: HOLY SHIT! HANG ON! NO WAY! Is he going to push the murder button on the ATM? He better not! HE BETTER NOT! This movie is crazy! It looks like the screen says something like ?Believing in A Better Tomorrow? but this bank doesn?t do that. They have ATMs that murder people somehow! My bank just tries to scam me into a bullshit credit protection service and gives me free pens that don?t work that well. These guys murder from touch screens!
The extortion and corruption are even scarier because I have no idea how they would work. I mean I?ve been extorted by an ATM before but it was in a bodega or a strip club, not an actual bank. I guess for the extortion you have to bring your victim to another ATM. Corruption would be a little harder though, I imagine there is a lot of face time & paper work required to be corrupt.
This is clearly a movie meant for the summer blockbuster season, not February. Boy are the movie studios faces gonna be red when they realize their mistake!
This almost reminds me of another trailer I saw for a movie about an evil fast food chain: That number 5 will go straight to your hips!
Who knew John Edwards was this interesting? He was sleeping around and may have an illegitimate child. But he made sure to tell ABC News that he only did this when his wife?s cancer was in remission. So it?s totally not a big deal you guys. I mean why are they still covering this? It would be one thing if his wife was immobilized on some hospital bed, wracked with pain but she was fine at the time, so it?s open season. If I?m ever married I?ll have to remember that ?her being physically able to do it too if she wanted? is an acceptable excuse for adultery.
When she was suffering? he was suffering? there was all kinds of hot pussy walkin? around the campaign office but he was sticking to his morals, helping her pick out stupid wigs. (Booooooring!) Then once that caner went into remission so did his lack of boners for hotter ladies. (Best sentence I?ll write all month)
The chick was his online video producer, which sounds a little too much like a fake job you give the gal your bangin?. ?Let?s give you a title that says literally anyone could do this. How about ?Camera Holder?? Or maybe ?Person Who Knows How to Use iMove and/or YouTube??
Ann Coulter, we?re waiting for your retraction. Your gaydar is way off.
People say you don't need drugs to have a good time. They are right.
You only need drugs to have a crazy good time.
You need drugs to have a "lets stay up till Kathie Lee Gifford comes on TV" good time.
You need drugs to have an "I didn't realize Kathie Lee Gifford was actually on the Today Show, I was just trying to say lets take drugs forever" good time.
You need drugs to have a "hey smoke this weed it's great- just kidding it's crack" good time.
You need drugs to have an "I'm so mad at you for tricking me into smoking crack- just kidding I'm not. Part of me knew it was crack the whole time. Is there anymore?" good time.
You need drugs to have a "cheer so loud at a KISS concert you shit your pants" good time.
You need drugs to have a "realize you are not at a KISS concert and you never were, and now the employees at Spencer's Gifts want you to get the hell out of the mall and take your shitty pants with you, because apparently that part was real" good time.
Most of all you need drugs to have a "write this bit and try to perform it onstage" good time.
Tonight will be the last show of a 10-day comedy road trip across Michigan, Ohio & Pennsylvania. On this trip I?ve seen things.
I?ve seen a woman in Flint in her late 40s with blonde dread locks (She might have been the mom of the twins from the second Matrix movie.) who flashed her panties at me every time I looked at her. (It might have been the other away around.)
I?ve seen a comic double check that all the acts before her were clean then dive head first into a joke about swallowing a load two minutes into her set.
But last night, I saw and experienced something exceptional: the loudest craziest heckler I?ve ever dealt with.
I played a bar last night in Willoughby, Ohio along with Steve Hofstetter, Phil Mazo and a local feature act. Everyone in the bar was watching the Cavs beat the Celtics in game 6 of the playoffs. Right after the game ended one of the bartenders lowered the lights and sound and set up a green spotlight at the front end of the room serving as the stage. I asked him to say something quick to introduce me and he said something like ?No way man, these people are crazy?
I took the stage and started doing a little crowd work, talking about the how I hoped the Cavaliers crush Boston in game 7. This was apparently when a drunk, heavyset woman* at the end of the bar noticed there was a show going on and started yelling stuff. The following is my best recollection of what happened next:
?You?re from New York, how dare you associate with my Cavs.? She yelled this repeatedly during my first two jokes till I had no choice but to respond.
?Got it. You win. I hate the Cavs. Even though I don?t think they care about you particularly. Now can we make this the last time we talk to each other ever for the rest of our lives??
The crowd seemed to like that, and she got quiet enough to ignore, so I moved on.
Later in my set I talked about having a one-night stand and she burst in again.
?Look at yourself!? she yelled.
From here, things got loud on my part.
?That?s impossible, I can?t look at myself, my eyes are in my head and there aren?t any mirrors!? I screamed, which sounds stupid written out but got the crowd behind me again.
?No look at yourself, you are pathetic, you?ve never had a one night stand.** You wouldn?t know what to do! "
?Good thing I?m never ever going to have one with you lady.?
At this point the whole crowd was cheering but she wanted things to escalate further, she started yelling at me for picking on her.
?Don?t act like I decided to pick on a random slob at the bar to bother, you started talking to me, let?s play it back, let? go to the tape, let?s go to the god damn videotape!?
Suddenly I was having the best set of the trip, thanks to the worst audience member of my life.
If nothing else, this road trip has prepared me for the next one, no matter what happens.
1
-Mike
*The best part was that this lady actually brought her laptop to the bar, like she was firing up her e-trade account after nine cosmos.
**FYI, I?m not pathetic because I don?t have one-night stands, I?m pathetic because I DO.
You know what?s stupid? Harry Potter. I don?t care for it. Never read the books, can?t sit though the movies. But it is one of the few things in Science Fiction/Fantasy that I am not a huge fan of so bashing it is one of my few opportunities to act like I?m somewhat cool.
?Are you really a Harry Potter fan? Seriously? It would be one thing if it was Star Trek, Star wars, Battlestar Galactica, Superman , Batman, Spiderman, The Hulk, X Men, that run of Daredevil comics written by Kevin Smith, Dr. Who, The first few seasons of X-Files, Lord of the Rings, Iron Man, pretty much any movie where someone wears a costume to fight crime, Lost, Heroes, Alien Nation, ET, Mac & Me, Babylon 5, Twilight Zone or Small Wonder.?
?But Harry Potter? You need to get a life my man.?
Another nerdy thing I don?t care for is that show Smallville. In case you haven?t heard, it?s a show about young Superman where the producers have promised viewers that you will never see him fly or wear the iconic blue and read uniform.
Which is a smart move, because people hate it when Superman does either of those things.
All that flying and dressing like Superman really held the Christopher Reeve movies back.
I want to see superman wearing blue jeans and crocs as he rides a 10 year old Vespa to fight Lex Luthor.
That reminds me, I?m pitching a new cooking show to the food network where you never see a kitchen- or food.
Take that 8 year old show on the CW that no one watches!
As a veteran of online dating I know the secret of finding success: play the numbers. The more girls you reach out to, the greater the odds that you are going to meet that special someone.
But who has time to read all those profiles? I'll tell you who, a guy named Notme McSomeoneelseington.
So I have prepared the following generic letter. However, because these women are all unique snowflakes, some customization is necessary:
Hey there, I'm a little new to this, I'm pretty sure this is how you send out a message on (NAME OF DATING SITE).
I was a little hesitant to use this for the first time ever, what with my real-world success rate. (4 and a half successes this fiscal year)
But then I read your profile.
When I read that you "enjoy going out on the town but also like to stay in and watch a movie," I said to myself ?if this gal also says she likes travel and/or her family I'm totally going to take a crap in my pants."
Don't worry, I didn't really, I just added that because you said you like guys with a sense of humor.
I think it's great that you're a teacher. Those kids must be a real handful! Look forward to hearing all about them, but not on a school night!
I also noticed you want a guy that can "keep up with you in a conversation."
I was all like "Whoa! This chick has got to be crazy smart!"
Well I gotsta go, this girl I used to date won't stop calling me. In closing, I just want to say that I really liked your profile, epically the picture.
If you are the hot one in that group of five girls, we should totally hang out.
In response to Dog the Bounty Hunter's recent racist remarks, last week he announced plans to be buried at the slave cemetery at Mount Vernon, presumably after his death:
"Children will come to [the burial ground] saying 'Why is dog buried there? Why is that white man laid there?' And [their parents will] be able to say, 'because that white man made a terrible mistake and he requested that"
Through my inside sources I have learned that the folks at Mount Vernon are so behind the idea that they have already begun preparing promotional materials to reflect this upcoming addition. I have obtained an exclusive sample and, if you'll have me, I'd like to share it:
Come to Mount Vernon, where history comes alive! See where the father of our country hung his tri cornered hat, and where his slave's unmarked graves serve as an eternal place of punishment for c-list celebrities!
Join our historic re-enactors (pictured above) as you make your own cornmeal and cider while recording a family member saying the n-word!
Make sure to visit the Dog-Washington Pavilion to buy a copy of Washington's memoirs or a mullet braiding kit!
That infamous cherry tree, did Washington Really cut it down? Could he really not tell a lie? And why we would bury a semi-obscure reality television star in the middle of a historic site just because he asked us to? Find out the answers to those questions and many others!
Whether you are here for a day, a week or all entirety because you wouldn't let your son date a black even though you didn't care if she was "a Mexican, a whore or whatever" we hope to see you soon at Dog's Mount Vernon.
Coming soon... that one white chick that spit on the black chick on 'Flavor of Love', unless the Smithsonian grabs her up first!
info@miketrainor.com
